Mama PlaygroundA Blog for Moms

I am not sure if it is because I am a scientist by training or if we all do this to some extent, but I am seeking the cause of the constant sickness that has been present in our home this year. My kids have been sick far too much this year. They eat a fairly well balanced diet, fruit and oatmeal at breakfast, plenty of fluids, and vegetables with both lunch and dinner. I try to give them a variety every day and they have vitamins to boot. They sleep well, and get lots of love and attention. I am starting to take the constant illness of this winter very personally. As an attack on my parenting. My new theory is dairy as the culprit.

Sure, sure I could blame that fact that my oldest is in school and constantly bringing home new germs. I could blame a particularly rainy winter and basic exposure to illness through grocery carts, doctors offices, and most of all the library. However I have come to wonder if it is dairy to blame.

My kids eat a lot of dairy. They love yogurt, ice cream, and the babies have milk at least three times per day. They also love cereal with milk, cheese as a snack, and cheese on most meals in some form or another. I make a sort of logical leap from here, but stay with me.

When you are ill, you are informed to stay away from dairy because it causes extra mucous and stuffiness in your sinuses. The same must go for times when you are not sick then too, correct? If dairy generally causes extra mucous and congestion in your sinuses, it would make your sinuses the perfect place for bacteria to grow, and viruses to attract. Bacteria love enclosed, warm, moist environments, and I have been making my children’s heads just such a place. Has the large amount of dairy in their diets created the perfect breeding ground for illness?

A fantastic name for a book, to begin with. The author of this book has obviously raised two daughters that anyone in their right mind would be proud to associate with. She has also planted seeds of deep resentment towards her, and within her daughters towards themselves. It is sad to wonder what silent battles they face every day to just feel good enough for approval. At what point in their lives will they discover themselves, and begin to live to fulfill their own dreams. Will they ever even have their own dreams?

On the flip side though, I am not one of those people who read the book, felt disgust and contempt towards the mother, and then made a vow to never discipline my child. This book has taught me that humans are capable of much more than floating around the world in a self-important mission to consume mindlessly and never reach the limits of potential.

At the controversial point in the book where Tiger Mother rejects the birthday cards that her daughters each made for her, the reader has to ponder if she is rejecting her children. There is no doubt they would feel rejected. I would never do the same for my children but in some ways, I respect the gumption and I believe that her girls are probably better off for it. Acting with sincerity is an important lesson in life. I can’t tell you how many times I have thanked my husband for a gift that he bought on-line with zero thought, and at the last minute. He doesn’t learn anything from my hiding disappointment. Actually, it reinforces his laziness and insincerity, and guarantees that I will have a lifetime more of those gifts. That doesn’t mean I could voluntarily break my daughters’ hearts. If they look up at me with those big eyes and proudly display a hand made gift, I will appreciate it.

I don’t think the author is a bad person, but I don’t exactly respect what she did. I think she struggles from a deep sense of inadequacy that she overcompensates for through her children. I also think she will probably perpetuate the cycle in her children by creating that same sense of inadequacy in them. When she speaks quickly, and casually about her daughter putting teeth marks in the piano from frusteration I feel that an entire book should be dedicated to that one act alone – it speaks volumes.

On paper it would seem that having both parents at home all of the time is the ideal situation. Although I do think we need face-to-face time as humans, and as professionals. Everyone needs to get out of the house, and out of the bubble every once in a while. But to have that kind of support and accessibility is absolutely ideal for me. Or so I thought…

As it turns out, it is not that having a husband who works from home is the problem. Mine is able to maintain focus and concentration on his work. He has the shortest commute on the planet, and is within seconds in case of an emergency. He also sort of knows what kind of day I have had and can address it sensitively if he should choose to. However, there is a line that most people draw between work and home and we don’t appear to always be able to locate that line.

If a person works an 8-5 and then returns home there is usually some time to mentally digest events, obligations, and interactions. They can think through and transition as they physically and emotionally move towards their home and family. Not my husband. As a result he is prone to states of odd dreaminess where it is clear that only his body is in the room and he can not hear or process a word you are saying. This can be frusterating.

The book is a slow start. Dr. Shettles takes his time to blow his own  horn at length and then to take cheap shots at competitors. He also wastes the time of his readers by arguing back with previous critics, etc. A complete waste of your time. Go ahead and skip to the good stuff. Trying for a boy information is 15 pages long and starts on page 150. Trying for a girl information is immediately after that.

That being said, there are some interesting points made in the book and some interesting pointers and theories on determining the gender of you offspring. I have never made an attempt at swaying or gender determination, and can not speak from experience. That being said, I am a believer! I do believe that timing can effect conception. That is only a part of the picture though. Diet is absolutely a factor.

In the book he actually says as much himself. He says that there is much to that method of altering your odds for gender selection. He sites possible medical imlications for excess sodium, etc as reasons not to alter your diet but his argument falls flat. To me the best way to sway the odds is to change both diet, and to use your knowledge of your cycles for sake of timing. I plan to myself…

Nothing to make two weeks go by slower than the sight of a broken condom. Every gas bubble that moves in my stomach, every wave of dizziness when I stand up, every slightly irregular churn of my stomach and I am immediately overcome with a sense of foreboding. This is not happening to me. In my gut I know that it will all be okay. I also know enough to know that I am within days of ovulating. My husband’s sperm are ninjas. No, no, this is not happening.

The condom only looked suspiciously empty afterwards, but not completely broken. My ovulation prediction kits have been negative. It does not make sense for us in our lives right now, so God would not do this. Right? Oh to go back in time.

I googled “broken condom” and feel much better now. Well, sort of. For one thing 90% of the time I read a yahoo forum answer about an even remotely scientific concept I end up feeling depressed that the world has so much ignorance being passed around. I feel like America is getting more stupid by the day. But then I feel smarter in comparison and it lessens the depression. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071222135613AAnhLaX

yikes