Mama PlaygroundA Blog for Moms

After you have long since become confident in your child’s sleep patterns. Well after sleep training, teething, and self soothing. When a child is old enough to truly invoke confidence by you in their ability to sleep the hearty 12 consecutive hours through the night, then they go backwards. How can this be? Why was I never told this fact? Apparently it is so common as to be expected that a young child changes sleeping habits long after you have written them off as a consistently good sleeper.

My oldest child began at 2 1/2 years old to wake at night either crying or just getting up, pitter pattering down the hall, and waking us up. Either my husband or I would go in to her room with her and tuck her back in. I can’t really see what she gets out of it. At first we indulged her in extra soothing and would lay down beside her and comfort. We thought it was a phase, or possibly nightmares. We quit that though and now stumble mindlessly, sometimes dizzily bouncing off of walls down the hall, and possibly manage a mumble and a hug. Why are we slipping backwards?!

Like many parents, we invested early in sleep training. We did the best we could to have her up and running sleeping well at night times. For the most part I would say we were very successful. She is a great sleeper and made a nearly seamless transition to big girl bed very early on. We were lulled in to a false sense of security with nearly a year of consecutive nights of glorious repose from her while we sleep trained her young twin sibblings. I never imagined a backslide to us waking at night consistently with our oldest. The irony of it all is that we had just barely cleared the hurdle of having her twin sisters sleeping extremely consistently for 12-14 hours of uninterupted sleep at night. Oh the glory of that short week before our oldest threw us for a loop. Help!

For quite some time I thought those words would be magical, welcome, and the anticipated ending to the use of diapers for one of my children. In my mind the diapers were piling up at landfills and it was my fault. The diapers my toddler was producing were unbearable. They were no longer little baby poops. I gagged, held my breath, took small breathing breaks away from the changing table. I begged for her cooperation, cajoled, prayed it would be over. Well, at exactly 2 1/2 years old a few months ago she was completely potty trained. Now, I hear those words all the time and it is not quite the magic I had hoped for.

It turns out that only thing holding my child back was the fact that her two young siblings (twins born 1 1/2 years her junior) were wearing appealing diapers. After I transitioned them to the most boring ones I could find she was done with diapers. She rarely has “accidents”, not even during naps. The pooping part of potty training took an extra week. She held out on going poo for a week. She literally got constipated and weird about her poo. Then she hid and had a couple of disgusting poo events that week. She loved her big girl undies and had no pee accidents at all, and I couldn’t wait for her to just try one poop in the potty and I knew it would be no problems after that.

Flash forward a few months: she poops in the potty. Actually, she loves to poop in the potty. “Oh, wow mama! That was a lot of poo!” It is not quite the glory that I thought. I still had a month or so of helping to wipe and it was gross. I also had to sit in the room with her and read her stories and hang out while she pooped for that month or so. This was also gross. And now she is so completely comfortable with it that she will declare it loudly, proudly, and across a department store full of people. On paper, I am so very glad, but it is a bit embarrassing in front of other people and I can’t bring myself to shame her. So when she yelled across Macy’s the other day, I paused only long enough to pretend no one else was there, compose myself, and exclaim “oh yay! Poo poos!!!”

I have heard pregnant women speak of dreaming their child’s gender. I have just as many talk of dreams of their child’s gender that did not come true. Roughly 50/50 which means that they can’t possibly be true or meaningful. But what about dreams when you are not pregnant that feel premonitory.  What about dreams that feel like watching a slide show with video clips. Images in chronological order, with short videos clips that bring the moments to life.  The dream I has last night could not have been more real. Have I just dreamed the future or is it an irrelevant blip of the subconscious mind at work?

I am not sure if it is because I am a scientist by training or if we all do this to some extent, but I am seeking the cause of the constant sickness that has been present in our home this year. My kids have been sick far too much this year. They eat a fairly well balanced diet, fruit and oatmeal at breakfast, plenty of fluids, and vegetables with both lunch and dinner. I try to give them a variety every day and they have vitamins to boot. They sleep well, and get lots of love and attention. I am starting to take the constant illness of this winter very personally. As an attack on my parenting. My new theory is dairy as the culprit.

Sure, sure I could blame that fact that my oldest is in school and constantly bringing home new germs. I could blame a particularly rainy winter and basic exposure to illness through grocery carts, doctors offices, and most of all the library. However I have come to wonder if it is dairy to blame.

My kids eat a lot of dairy. They love yogurt, ice cream, and the babies have milk at least three times per day. They also love cereal with milk, cheese as a snack, and cheese on most meals in some form or another. I make a sort of logical leap from here, but stay with me.

When you are ill, you are informed to stay away from dairy because it causes extra mucous and stuffiness in your sinuses. The same must go for times when you are not sick then too, correct? If dairy generally causes extra mucous and congestion in your sinuses, it would make your sinuses the perfect place for bacteria to grow, and viruses to attract. Bacteria love enclosed, warm, moist environments, and I have been making my children’s heads just such a place. Has the large amount of dairy in their diets created the perfect breeding ground for illness?

A fantastic name for a book, to begin with. The author of this book has obviously raised two daughters that anyone in their right mind would be proud to associate with. She has also planted seeds of deep resentment towards her, and within her daughters towards themselves. It is sad to wonder what silent battles they face every day to just feel good enough for approval. At what point in their lives will they discover themselves, and begin to live to fulfill their own dreams. Will they ever even have their own dreams?

On the flip side though, I am not one of those people who read the book, felt disgust and contempt towards the mother, and then made a vow to never discipline my child. This book has taught me that humans are capable of much more than floating around the world in a self-important mission to consume mindlessly and never reach the limits of potential.

At the controversial point in the book where Tiger Mother rejects the birthday cards that her daughters each made for her, the reader has to ponder if she is rejecting her children. There is no doubt they would feel rejected. I would never do the same for my children but in some ways, I respect the gumption and I believe that her girls are probably better off for it. Acting with sincerity is an important lesson in life. I can’t tell you how many times I have thanked my husband for a gift that he bought on-line with zero thought, and at the last minute. He doesn’t learn anything from my hiding disappointment. Actually, it reinforces his laziness and insincerity, and guarantees that I will have a lifetime more of those gifts. That doesn’t mean I could voluntarily break my daughters’ hearts. If they look up at me with those big eyes and proudly display a hand made gift, I will appreciate it.

I don’t think the author is a bad person, but I don’t exactly respect what she did. I think she struggles from a deep sense of inadequacy that she overcompensates for through her children. I also think she will probably perpetuate the cycle in her children by creating that same sense of inadequacy in them. When she speaks quickly, and casually about her daughter putting teeth marks in the piano from frusteration I feel that an entire book should be dedicated to that one act alone – it speaks volumes.

On paper it would seem that having both parents at home all of the time is the ideal situation. Although I do think we need face-to-face time as humans, and as professionals. Everyone needs to get out of the house, and out of the bubble every once in a while. But to have that kind of support and accessibility is absolutely ideal for me. Or so I thought…

As it turns out, it is not that having a husband who works from home is the problem. Mine is able to maintain focus and concentration on his work. He has the shortest commute on the planet, and is within seconds in case of an emergency. He also sort of knows what kind of day I have had and can address it sensitively if he should choose to. However, there is a line that most people draw between work and home and we don’t appear to always be able to locate that line.

If a person works an 8-5 and then returns home there is usually some time to mentally digest events, obligations, and interactions. They can think through and transition as they physically and emotionally move towards their home and family. Not my husband. As a result he is prone to states of odd dreaminess where it is clear that only his body is in the room and he can not hear or process a word you are saying. This can be frusterating.

The book is a slow start. Dr. Shettles takes his time to blow his own  horn at length and then to take cheap shots at competitors. He also wastes the time of his readers by arguing back with previous critics, etc. A complete waste of your time. Go ahead and skip to the good stuff. Trying for a boy information is 15 pages long and starts on page 150. Trying for a girl information is immediately after that.

That being said, there are some interesting points made in the book and some interesting pointers and theories on determining the gender of you offspring. I have never made an attempt at swaying or gender determination, and can not speak from experience. That being said, I am a believer! I do believe that timing can effect conception. That is only a part of the picture though. Diet is absolutely a factor.

In the book he actually says as much himself. He says that there is much to that method of altering your odds for gender selection. He sites possible medical imlications for excess sodium, etc as reasons not to alter your diet but his argument falls flat. To me the best way to sway the odds is to change both diet, and to use your knowledge of your cycles for sake of timing. I plan to myself…

Nothing to make two weeks go by slower than the sight of a broken condom. Every gas bubble that moves in my stomach, every wave of dizziness when I stand up, every slightly irregular churn of my stomach and I am immediately overcome with a sense of foreboding. This is not happening to me. In my gut I know that it will all be okay. I also know enough to know that I am within days of ovulating. My husband’s sperm are ninjas. No, no, this is not happening.

The condom only looked suspiciously empty afterwards, but not completely broken. My ovulation prediction kits have been negative. It does not make sense for us in our lives right now, so God would not do this. Right? Oh to go back in time.

I googled “broken condom” and feel much better now. Well, sort of. For one thing 90% of the time I read a yahoo forum answer about an even remotely scientific concept I end up feeling depressed that the world has so much ignorance being passed around. I feel like America is getting more stupid by the day. But then I feel smarter in comparison and it lessens the depression. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071222135613AAnhLaX

yikes

Christmas has become magical again. When I was young, I was a believer in Santa Claus. The season was magical and I remember pajamas, tired parents, a sea of wrapping paper, and mid afternoon naps due to overstimulated exhaustion. Now I am the tired parent and most of the rest remains just as joyful, but from a different perspective. I can not imagine starting the day without the help of our auto-timed coffee start. Egg nog in the coffee is a must, and then of course a cookie to get the blood sugar going. The kids have messy hair and huge, sweet smiles, and they tumble on to the presents as if the tree had a magnet.

One child is happy to just play with a single box for the day. Another makes claim to every single present opened in an ongoing stream of “mine!”. Another wanders around the house, drunk on the joy of the day and content to watch the happenings and occasionally climb in to a cupboard or on to a lap.

The major dangers include: the wrapping paper, the tiny little ties and tags on EVERY single gift, the oven while the delicious holiday food cooks, the stairs, the bathroom door left ajar, off-schedule naps, over-stimulation, batteries, food and/or beverages left about, candies and their wrappers, the tree, the fireplace, ornaments, lights, etc.

Exhausted by 7pm parents everywhere collapse in a puddle of over-stuffed holiday bliss after the day’s efforts are done. It feels so good to make the kiddos  so happy. I have taught them about giving, about Jesus being born, and about sharing. And to all a goodnight!

Among the many,  many ways I have changed since becoming a mother I may have completely divorced sushi. There are so many things that you become trained to avoid if you followed the so-called rules of pregnancy. After the baby is born though, many of those things just seem generally bad and undesirable now. Red-40, standing near a microwave in action, and now sushi. I thought I would jump at the opportunity to be back on sushi. I thought I would overcompensate at the opportunity to suck down some squishy raw fish.

My husband and I went on a date night the other day. We overflow with affection and conversation when the opportunity arises and it was a great time. Until a few hours after we got home and the stomach discomfort started. To spare some unsightly details, we both realized the sushi may have done us in. Would I take back date night? No. I will perhaps recall the sushi cravings and curb them permanently.

Our young cousin (he is 2) just had a tape worm removed from his system. It was several feet long (obviously much longer than him). His parents had been eating sushi with him and apparently a parsite from the uncooked food found his intestines to be a perfectly accommodating home. Yuck. Apparently he was not alone. I looked it up and I have no idea why I did not know this before.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/GlobalHealth/story?id=7847413&tqkw=&tqshow=&page=1